


Tropes of Hell are Awaiting

by MadSoullessQueen



Category: Fairy Tail
Genre: Breaking the Fourth Wall, Complete, Explicit Sexual Content, F/M, Humorous Ending, One Shot, Parody, do not take this seriously, making fun of tropes, when your friends enable you to write funny things
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-07
Updated: 2019-02-07
Packaged: 2019-10-23 19:58:15
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,640
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17689901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MadSoullessQueen/pseuds/MadSoullessQueen
Summary: Natsu has died, leaving behind a confused Lucy who is determined to walk into hell to find him. Also, she’s like maybe pregnant and what if she was some kind of Celestial Dragon Slayer of Epic Awesome Over Powered-ness kind of thing?Parody story, you’ve been warned. Do not take this shit seriously…well until you get to the lemons. K THX BAI





	Tropes of Hell are Awaiting

Lucy was a disaster as she stared at the tombstone, she fell to her knees as her hand shot out to caress the raised letters. She didn’t care as the rain pelted her, her fingers tracing the letters of her dead boyfriend.

Natsu Dragneel, beloved mage, friend and humanitarian

It wasn’t fair, his life had been taken and recently she found out that she had skipped a period. Too scared to confirm the results she could all but feel the tiny flutter of life in her, crying out for her father. Lucy put her hand to her mouth trying to suppress the urge to vomit as she thought of trying to go on without him. How she would have her place all to herself, her clothing no longer set on fire or the constant fat jokes sent her way.

Yet, she would no longer have Natsu’s strength beside her, his laughter or childlike mind confusing the hell out of her and ruining her plans. Lucy was so confused, but she absolutely knew she had to get him back, even if she had to walk into the Gates of Hell to find her beloved Dragon Slayer.

She sneezed and before she could wipe her nose the rain had stopped, and a handkerchief was dangled before her. Lucy took the little item and looked up at her faithful lion spirit as he held an umbrella. Leo smiled at her and offered his hand to help her up.

“Th-thanks Loke,” she sniffled before blowing her nose into the white silk. He grimaced as she did it but Lucy didn’t pay him any mind, it’s not like he could get mad at her. Well he could but then she’d just devour his magic and force him home, as was her right as the Celestial Dragon Slayer of Epic Awesome Over Powered-ness.

“Anything Princess,” he said as he held out his arm for her. Lucy took it and carefully walked with him through the graveyard. She started to lose herself in her thoughts as she listened to the soft sounds of rain hitting the umbrella.

As they headed towards the guild, Lucy could feel the aura of sadness around the place. Or was it just that no one was having a massive bar fight? Silence or sadness or peace, she had no idea. All she knew was that all over Fiore firefighters were losing jobs as cities were no longer being burned to the ground in good intentions of destroying dark guilds.

In fact, she was starting to wonder what exactly it was that Natsu really did? Besides her and that almost ended badly, she still couldn’t believe she had to spend twenty minutes explaining to him where to put his dick the last and first time they had sex. It almost became a very painful experience and her butt clenched unconsciously at the memory.

She entered the guild and things were calm, orderly, with normal bits of laughter and Cana drinking from her usual keg. Everyone stopped to shout their hellos before quickly scurrying away. After all Lucy was now T- Class mage due to how amazingly powered she was. Cause why stop at S-Class, motherfuckers?

Her hand brushed against her keys as she felt the raw power coming from her Goddess Summon Keys of Heaven and Almighty Power. She could feel the star borns Goddesses scream in there, angry at being trapped into such tiny objects but Lucy didn’t care, it’s how she finally managed to tear off Minerva’s head. Well in her dreams at least, cause somehow that bitch still got to run around with the hotties of Sabertooth. She let the thoughts and the surge of power trickle from her as she took the stairs up to Gramps’ office.

Lucy knocked on the door and heard the shuffling of the old man before the insanely loud sound of his zipper being pulled up. She waited till he coughed and invited her in, a lesson she learned a long time ago, do not enter until after the cough.

Eventually she got the all clear and entered the office. In its usual fashion it was a disaster with stains, she didn’t want to know the origin of all over the carpet and couch, papers and books stacked in unorganized piles and half eaten food on plates, on any open space. Her eye twitched as she tried to reign in her inner dragon thingy to not want to go all hell bitch mode and clean this shit.

“Lucy how are you?” he asked as he came around the desk and tried to hold her hand. Lucy recoiled, knowing damn well he had not washed his hands and she really didn’t want to know where they had just been.

She sighed, “I need him back.”

Makarov grimaced for a moment before he plastered a smile on his face, “I understand but unless you are willing to march into hell to get him, there just isn’t a way.”

She blinked, “hell? Natsu was a good mage, why hell? I mean I meant it in jest, he couldn’t seriously be in hell.”

The small aging guildmaster cringed as his eyes darted around the room. “Natsu tried to be good, but with all the property damage and collateral damage and…”

Lucy felt her anger rise as she gathered her super immense “kill it all in one shot” power start to gather. Gramps took several steps back and put his hands up defensively as her aura darkened. “L-Lucy, I know you’re like the most powerful mage in the universe, but please, you have to understand…”

“Understand my ass! Lucky Lucy Heartfilia gets whatever the fuck she wants. Don’t you know, I’m goddamn perfect?” she growled, threatening the small Wizard Saint with a quick unapproving glance to his crotch. His hands flew over the area and she could have sworn she had seen this in a movie before but fuck it.

“O-okay Lucy, calm down, please. How can I help? Whatever you want,” he said with a massive grin in his face.

“I want Natsu back!” she roared, the guild hall shaking under the power of her words and voice.

Gramps swallowed hard, “o-okay, hmmmm, well there’s a portal to the Underworld, from there you can hang a left and get into hell. Just make sure you recite the words… klaatu barada nikto.”

“Klaatu barada nikto?” she questioned.

“Yes, say it again.”

“I got it, where’s the portal?”

“No, Lucy, you need to say those words perfectly, recite them again.” Gramps added, and Lucy was feeling quite emotionally a wreck. She was certain it was because she was pregnant and really missing her boyfriend.

“You’re questioning me? Which part of I am Celestial Dragon Slayer of Epic Awesome Over Powered-ness and holder of the 20 Goddess Summon Keys of Heaven and Almighty Power, do you not understand?” she asked her eye twitching a bit more as she just didn’t want to be bothered.

Didn’t anyone understand, this was to save Natsu, cause as we all know NaLu is the ultimate ship. Her relationship with the fire dragon slayer was like gospel or some shit and to hell with anyone thinking differently. She had to be uber powerful too, cause reasons, reasons she didn’t even know how to explain. In fact, she wasn’t really certain she was understanding what the fuck was going on but decided to just go with all these really fucking out of character changes.

* * *

 

Cobra looks up from his typewriter before he takes a long drag off his cigarette, “yo, reader, fun right? Damn this fanfiction stuff is like awesome. I can do whatever the hell I want and it’s all good as long as I ship Natsu and Sunshine right?”

He leans back in his chair and stares up at the ceiling, a slow smile on his face before he flicks his cig into the pile of others in the corner. Cobra takes a sip of his soda and glares over your shoulder at someone else hiding in the shadows. “Fucking soda? Why you gotta play me dirty?”

Cobra realizes that no reply is likely to come and pulls out another smoke before tossing the soda can in the garbage, wrinkling his nose and reaching into his desk drawer for his container of bleach. “Okay, so back to this shit…” he puts his head down and starts banging away at the keys.

* * *

 

After a clever time skip, Lucy finds herself blinking before a cave. She looked around confused as to how she went from her high holy tirade in Gramp’s office to standing before a cave with a neon sign over it that says, “Welcome to Fabulous Las Underworld.”

She pinched her forehead and let out a breath, questioning her sanity and life choices. Yet she knew damn well she had to do this, just get through the Underworld and then into Hell, where she could save Natsu with her amazing power and then they could be a family. That’s the point, right? Risk an unborn baby for a fire hazard with zero self-control?

Seems legit.

Lucy shrugged as she walked up to the entrance before she hit a barrier. She bounced back and rubbed her head before she glared at it.

“Words please,” a disembodied voice that might sound like Cobra trying to do a bad imitation of a 1950’s telephone operator said to her.

Her eyes went wide as she tried to recall the words, she had to have this, after all she’s like to chosen one and this is a NaLu story for fucks sake. There was no way she could screw this up. She widened her stance, pulled her shoulders back, raised her chin defiantly, and glared menacingly at the cave entrance, cause that’s how we roll.

“Klaatu, barada,” - she sneezed - “necktie.”

That strange voice started laughing, “oh honey you really want to go with that?”

“What I said the damn words, didn’t I?” she replied her voice laced with agitation, how dare this disembodied voice question her?

“Ummm...well..you didn’t really. I can give ya a second chance babe.” it said, and Lucy was ready to unleash some overly powered fairy magic of doom and glitter upon the area.

“I said it, now come on…” at her instance a trap door opened under her and she found herself falling down. Lucy wanted to start screaming before her butt collided into a smooth surface and she realized she was now on some kind of damn water slide.

“What the fuck?” she whispered as water started splashing her and she started spinning downward before she was tossed into a pool.

The water was cold as fuck and Lucy felt her nipples harden at the sudden temperature change. In fact, she may need to remove her clothes…

* * *

 

Cobra looks up from his typewriter, “too soon?” He waits patiently for an answer before he drains the last of his bleach. “Hey it’s my story…”

A low growl hits the room and he shook a little in his seat. Out from the ground comes a pile of thorn vines and they latch on to him, pulling him down. The room goes black for a second before the light comes back on. Sitting behind the messy desk is Mard and he stares at the manuscript.

His eye twitches, “what was this? Fabulous Las Underworld? Rosebud is a what?” The Underworld King quickly demands coffee and pulling out the sheet of paper in the typewriter, he sets out to fix this horrible story.

“Though I do not claim to be a prolific author, this is a travesty. How could this happen?” he murmurs to himself before putting in a new piece of paper and begins to type at the keys.

In the background a chuckle is heard, along with the actual sounds of a mechanical keyboard.

* * *

 

Mard Geer was not usually one for visitors, in fact, the last few were dangling from pikes on the walls around Castle Tartaros. As he heard the alarm go off for his clever word trap, he lifted his head from his book and almost smiled. It had been a while and surely a fresh corpse would be a welcome addition.

He clutched his Book of E.N.D as he walked through the quiet hallways and into the lower sections of his home. As he rounded a corner he heard the shocked screeches of someone in the pool. That reminded him, he hadn’t cleaned that pool in a while, then again it was no matter, what’s a bit of blood in the water?

Of course, he wondered why he had a pool again but decided to brush off the lingering question. As he walked he listened to the voice shout a slew of profanities and something about being all powerful or something. Mard almost snorted, why did people think they were so special, after they couldn’t even say three simple words?

He reached for the small sliding window in the door and opening it he saw the little object making such a racket. She was quite petite but well blossomed, in the female curvature sense.

“Hey! Let me out! I am the Celestial Dragon Slayer of Epic Awesome Over Powered-ness and holder of the 20 Goddess Summon Keys of Heaven and Almighty Power,” she screamed and Mard slid the window shut.

He blinked several times, trying to dissect whatever it was she just said. Mard looked up and cocked his head to the side, waiting patiently for something to happen. After a few moments he felt satisfied that something was finally adjusted, and he slid open the window again. “Who are you?”

“Lucy Heartfilia,” she said, her voice a little softer and lacking on the ego. In fact, her voice was much more pleasant, even with a little bit of fear behind it. Mard opened the door and looked at his guest, she was certainly not wearing much, and he was willing to bet she would sick soon.

It took a moment, but she did get out of the pool and walked towards him. She slipped on the wet stones and Mard managed to catch her before she fell. Lucy flushed, the color much like an alba rose graced her cheeks as she looked up at Mard.

“S-Sorry, little clutsy,” she said her voice slightly airy.

“Do try to keep your wits and feet about you, this way,” he said as he began to lead her down the hallway.

“Ummm… where am I?” she asked, her voice fairly meek and Mard admitted he liked this version better than whatever it was she was trying to scream. In fact, that entire line was confusing to him and he had no idea where people get such delusions of grandeur. Least his titles all made sense, Definitive Demon, King of the Underworld and Leader of Tartaros and he tried to avoid using them all in the same shot.

“Castle Tartaros, in the Underworld,” he said, trying to be polite.

“W-who are you?” she asked her teeth clattering a bit.

“The demon who is going to get you some coffee and a spot in front of the fire, before we converse as to how you broke into my home.”

“D-demon?” she questioned and Mard turned around to look at her.

“Yes, is my species a problem?” he asked. She started to pale, and he noticed how she was wobbling on her feet, swearing under his breath in Infernai he managed to catch her before she hit the stone floor. His precious book almost slipped from his grasp, but he managed to hold on to it and the strange woman.

Mard shook his head, the dark plum tresses swaying as he adjusted his hold on her to place her over his shoulder. He took in a breath and decided that she smelt rather unpleasant, before he could even think about conversing with her, he was going to remove this stench.

* * *

 

“Yo, what the fuck? I was writing a masterpiece and like you freak out when I even think about getting Lucy naked, but Munchkin can just strip her in like 2 minutes?” Cobra asked as he looked over Mard’s shoulder.

“Asshole, honestly, please explain this story to me, I do not understand the word salad titles Rosebud was throwing around.”

Cobra pulls out his little notebook and scribbles down, word salad, “like that, good phrase Munchkin. Seriously, why do you get her naked? This is my NaLu story.”

“NaLu is not a real thing, I am fixing this story,” the king said, “also, since I do not trust your descriptions, I must assume that the water was quite stench filled and it would make sense to get her clean and warm. Story craft and all that.”

Behind the two arguing would be authors, there’s the real author face palming through this whole experience, wishing she had a glass of wine, if not a case. How does this happen to her brain?

“Yo! Author babe, I know you are listening, who’s right here?” Cobra asks.

“Whoever can keep the typewriter,” her voice resonates around the room and suddenly it explodes into chaos as Cobra and Mard start throwing punches for the small device. The lights begin to flicker and go out…

* * *

 

Lucy woke up as she felt her naked body surrounded by warm water, her eyes fluttered open as she inhaled a light perfume. The first thing she noticed was a handsome pale face, large black eyes framed in thick lashes, chiseled cheekbones and an angled nose. She sucked in a startled breath wondering where in the bloody nine hells she was.

“Relax,” he said, and Lucy tried to push as far back from her bathing companion as possible. Least she kept a small modicum of decency. Her arms crossed over her breasts as a touch of pink flushed over her heated skin.

“D-did you strip me?” she asked.

“I also took the moment to toss your clothing in the fire, the stench was too much for my sensitive nose,” Mard said as he pushed away from her and sat on the opposite side of the large circular tub.

Lucy pinched her forehead cursing her luck and wondering what kind of trope it was to always wind up with her clothing on fire at some point.

“Your clothing on fire is common?” he asked as he leaned back to grab a silver chalice, “would you care for wine?”

Lucy nodded, “yes, to both questions.”

The demon, which was surprising to her how she managed to stay so calm being naked around such an attractive bloke, handed her a chalice. Lucy quietly thanked him, best she remembered her manners before she took a sip of the mulled wine. She let out a little moan at the taste, the spices blending beautifully with the warm wine.

“This is wonderful,” she hummed.

“Underworld Spiced Wine usually served warm for better flavor. This should help you to warm up, after the unfortunateness with a water slide I do not remember installing.”

“For a demon your manners are impressive,” she said as she took another sip.

“Need I remind you to please avoid being racist in my presence. Demons do have manners, social norms and we are highly clever individuals,” Mard retorted. “Though why are you here?”

Lucy blinked, and she tried to pull together the last few memories she had. She felt as if she was watching a horrible low-grade movie run through her head, though at some point the little film reel began to burn and the cinema screen turned white. “I-I don’t know, it’s a blank.”

“Memory loss then?” he inquired, and she watched a random little droplet of water slide down his lovely pectoral muscles. Her tongue darted out to moisten in her lips as she truly wanted to follow the cheeky little droplet.

“I remember your name, Mard Geer, you’re a demon and I know I am in the Underworld, though no idea why or what I was looking for.”

Lucy kept trying to piece together something that resembled a collection of memories but again, just a white screen. She couldn’t shake the feeling that someone had taken the liberties to start the story of her last few days over and why would they drop her into a bathtub with such an attractive lad? Least he wasn’t a pillock because Lucy was not feeling all in the mood to handle that.

“I really do not know,” she managed, feeling quite annoyed with herself for the loss.

“Do you know who you are?” he asked as he leaned back and studied her.

“R-Ro..” she paused, almost wanting to call herself Rosebud for some bloody reason. “Lucy Heartfilia, Celestial Mage and member of Fairy Tail, Team Natsu.”

“Rosebud, interesting, I could picture myself calling you that. You do remind me of a little rosebud and I do adore them,” he said, and she tilted her head to the side for a moment.

“You’re telepathic,” she said and Mard nodded while tilting his chalice towards her with a smirk on his face.

“You are correct,” Mard took a sip of his wine, “how is the bath?”

Lucy flushed for a moment, “w-wonderful. Thank you Mard.”

“It has been a while since I last had a guest, least not such an attractive one,” he said, and Lucy could feel her flush spread to her ears. She wasn’t used to being complimented, in fact some of the bloomin’ wankers in her guild spent more time making idiotic fat jokes at her than complimenting her. This left her with a pile of insecurities that no amount of magical power was going to overcome. In fact, she started to question if being in the guild was truly what was best for her sanity.

“If you must question your sanity, it is a sign you have some spot of it left,” he said, and Lucy wanted to be sucked down the drain, his mind reading was going to become stale and fast, she surmised.

Mard flashed her a brilliant smile before he crossed the tub, he got close to her and she froze in place, not certain what to do with the demon invading her personal space. He gently pressed his lips next to her ear, “you would find that when you are flushed in passion and unable to form words, that my ability to know how you would like to be made love to next would be key to unlocking unlimited orgasms.”

* * *

 

Cobra and Mard sat off to the side, both of them taking notes as they watched Merlin at the typewriter.

“Fuck, Merlin you think you could write my Tinder profile?” Cobra asked.

“What’s a Tinder?” Both Mard and Merlin asked as looked at each other before looking back at the one-eyed poison slayer.

He shrugged, “so wait, you just like retconned all my awesome work?”

“Your work was childish, Cobra, do you not understand who’s name this will get attached to? Mard your’s was nicely crafted but at this point, in the interest of peace, I’ll finish this.” she said, taking a sip of her water before continuing on with the story.

* * *

 

Lucy wasn’t entirely certain what was happening at the moment, but she could feel the slow burn of her arousal start to pool low in her belly. His scent was intoxicating, roses and coffee, the firmness of his chest lightly brushed against hers and she found herself holding her breath.

Mard hummed before he placed a delicate kiss to her ear and he pulled back. Lucy almost let out a soft whine to no longer feel him so close to her. He gave her a soft smile before tipping back the last of his wine. She watched his throat work and silently started counting her blessings. She had zero idea what the hell she was doing here and the more she relaxed, the less she cared.

“After the bath, anything you wish to do? Read, converse, play chess?” he asked.

Lucy finished her wine and gave him a soft smile before she let out a small yawn. “Sleep?” she asked.

“Alone or do you need company, the nights here can be rather cold,” he offered, and she found herself a wee bit shocked.

“A-alone, I…” her voice trailed off as she looked away trying to keep her thoughts in the realm of being polite. Though they could easily dip into being sexual, the demon was beyond pleasing to her eyes.

Mard chuckled for a moment, “you may wish to close your eyes.”

“W-why?” she asked and Mard smirked at her as he slowly rose to standing. Lucy’s eyes widened before she sank under the water, holding her breath and closing her eyes. Though she did get quite the eyeful of beautiful pale skin over taut muscles.

After a moment she felt a tap against her head and she slowly rose out from under the water. Mard handed her a towel and she noticed he was now in a dashing black silk robe with small swirls of silver along the lapels and cuffs. She thanked him softly before he turned to leave the large bathroom.

Lucy managed to get out of the tub and looking over she saw a very nice men’s button silk shirt and smiled at the little gesture. She dried off and put the garment on, the dark burgundy color flattering on her pale skin as it hung down to her mid thighs. Before she could try to guess which door her very attractive host had left from, the door to the right swung open and he filled in the space.

“This way,” he motioned, and she followed. He led her to the right and stopped in front of the third door, she made the mental note, just in case she needed the facilities again. Mard opened the door and she looked into the simple but tasteful little room.

The stone was a dark color with fissures of white along it, in the center was a simple bed adorned in a rich dark teal comforter and loaded with pillows. There was a small writing desk and she saw a small pile of clothes folded neatly on it, her key ring sitting on top. The fireplace was lit, giving the room a soft glow and heat. Overall a very nice little room.

“Thank you,” she said, and he took her hand.

Mard placed a soft kiss to her knuckles, “my room is at the end of the hallway past the bathroom, should you desire anything.”

Her breath caught as he spoke to her and Lucy could feel her heart hammer in her chest, threatening to break through her rib cage. Desire anything, right now, in his presence, her mind could think of many things she would desire. Mard smirked at her before lifting a delicate brow, “anything.”

The word fell out of his lips, the smooth baritone of his voice wrapping around her and the subtle promise in that one word was not lost on her. Lucy trembled as she looked at him, she had never seen someone so captivating.

Mard lingered in her presence for a few seconds while she tried to gather her wits and suddenly he was gone. Lucy let out a breath and scurried into the room, dove under the covers and tried to not think about the lurid promises unsaid.

She didn’t know how she was going to sleep, knowing that at the end of the hallway was a demon who whispered to her about unlimited orgasms.

* * *

 

Mard laid in his bed as he finished the last spot of wine and was reading a book his best friend had brought him. He thought it rather brilliant and appreciated the wonderful taste Merlin had in gifts for him, without glitter.

As he read, he heard the door to his room crack open and he lifted his eyes from the passage to take in his visitor. Lucy looked a bit nervous to be walking through his room, she also looked a bit cold. Part of him expected this, after all his telepathy had interesting capabilities, including placing small suggestions in her mind while she slept.

“May I help you?” he asked, trying his damndest to not smile like the cat ready to devour the canary.

“C-can I join you?” her voice was small, and he could all but taste her embarrassment and arousal in the air.

Mard nodded and he peeled back the covers on the bed, inviting her to curl up beside him. Lucy took timid steps towards him and he noticed that flush of pink highlighting her face again, it was truly charming. She crawled into the bed and he would be lying if he didn’t admit that he appreciated the view.

Lucy laid down next to him and he outstretched his arm to pull her closer to him. She moved so easily and soon she was pressed against his side before her eyes went wide. “You’re naked.”

“Yes, this is my bed,” he set down his book, making a mental note of the page number, “I find sleeping in the nude to be more to my liking.”

His fingers trailed down her cheek and she licked her lips, “such a tempting offer, Rosebud.”

“Huh?” she asked and Mard leaned her back, capturing her lips against his. Her fingers dug into his shoulders and he capitalized on her moment of shock to slide his tongue into her mouth.

It took a few seconds before she relaxed under him before her tongue began to glide and curl around his. Mard was impressed, this little human mage was certainly gifted with her lips. He deepened the kiss, enjoying the feeling and taste of her, giving into long dormant emotions, he ravished her mouth.

If he recalled correctly, humans require air and he pulled back from the kiss to look into her eyes. “M-Mard?” she questioned as his fingers trailed down her side, feeling the silk of his shirt over her supple body.

“Yes,” he hummed as his mind wandered during his appraisal of the beautiful woman in his arms, who tasted of heaven and was truly more enticing than all the power of Hell.

“I-I…” he smiled at her before kissing her again, knowing exactly what she was thinking and her desires without her words. She wanted him and as her leg trailed up his body, he pressed her into the bed, letting his hand palm her breast.

Mard laid a trail of burning kisses down her neck as he began to undo the buttons of her shirt. She fluttered under him as soft sounds escaped her mouth, delighting his senses. It had been too long since he got to enjoy the simple pleasure of sex and something inside of himself told him that this would transcend anything he had ever known.

He flicked open the shirt as his teeth had skimmed along her collarbone before leading towards her exposed breast. Mard circled her nipple with his tongue before he latched on to it, pulling a mewling sound for Lucy as he lightly pinched her other nipple. It was such a teasing thing to do to enjoy the pebbled flesh before he let his fangs gently scrape against it.

Her back arched and her knee fell to the side, inviting him to lie between her creamy shapely legs. Mard gladly took the invitation, as he continued teasing her breasts, noticing all the changes in her breathing and soft grinding of her hips against him. He let go of her and looked up into her eyes, silently asking her if he should continue and Lucy pursed her lips before nodding.

More kisses against her skin as his lips enjoyed the soft planes of her flat stomach. He gave a gentle bite to her exposed hipbone making her hips tilt a little as her head shook against the deep red pillows. He enjoyed the view for a moment, golden hair fanned around her like a halo, her skin flushed in color from her arousal. Truly this woman was striking, and he wasn’t certain if he would ever be inclined to let her go after this night.

The small patch of deep blonde hair above her waiting sex were already damp and Mard laid a light kiss to them before he spread her legs further apart. He breathed in the scent of her and refused to stop himself from taking a taste. He licked her from entrance to clit, letting her unique flavor roll over his tongue. She gasped, and he let out a low growl as he dipped his tongue back into her, desperate for the starfire in her very being.

He continued to tease her with his tongue and gently he slid in a finger into her, to start preparing her for him. Lucy squirmed and moaned as he hips swirled under the power of his ministrations. Incoherent words fell from her mouth as he inserted a second finger and began to slowly move them, scissoring them to stretch her channel. After all, he did not want to hurt the precious little Rosebud who came to him willingly.

“M-Mard…” she moaned, and he wrapped his lips around her bundle of nerves, flicking it with his tongue at a speed no human could provide. Lucy shouted, and he felt her pulse against him as her sex began to milk his fingers. The ecstasy of her taste, sound and movements had left the demon king thrusting into his bed, trying for any kind of friction.

Slowly he lapped at her, coaxing her down from her high before he dragged his tongue up her body. His bared cock rested against her weeping core, coating him in her desire as he kissed her again. She hummed in approval as her legs wrapped around his waist, pushing him more against her.

Mard pulled back from the kiss, “do you desire me?”

She looked into his eyes and he admired the beautiful coffee color of them, accented in small flecks of gold. “Yes, please,” she begged and Mard shifted, angling his dripping cock towards her heat.

He pushed in slowly, peppering her face in kisses as she gasped, she was to tight but so willing, his head felt light. This was what he would have imagined Heaven feeling like, if he was ever inclined to visit… again.

His pelvis was flush with her and he strained to hold still, waiting for her to adjust before he would dare to move. Mard was always watchful and he carefully looked for any small detail in her beautifully sinful features. He kept his mind open, listening to her talk about how wonderful he felt and wishing for him to move.

Mard complied and with careful movements he slowly pulled out, almost completely before he pushed back in. A slow steady rhythm to help her adjust to him and entice her further, letting her pleasure build as his was.

Older demons could control their orgasm, and Mard was certainly no fledgling. He could keep this pace with her all night, or give her more, if that was what she needed from him. Though he made up his mind to feel this with her till at the very least the sun began to rise.

“H-harder,” she called as her small heels dug into the back of his thighs. Mard snapped his hips, adding a bit of a roll at the in the drive himself deeper and hit that little pleasure spot he knew she was hiding.

“Like this?” he asked, a few more thrusts to prove his point and she called out her answer, exciting him even more as he snapped into her.

Lucy was capable of the most inarticulate words, as nonsense came from her mouth. Her hands gripped the pillow over her head as Mard rested his hands on her hips, arching her back up to explore her more fully. She let out a shriek as he felt her constrict around him, the feeling was powerful as he leaned down to take her lips in another kiss.

His movements changed from harsh strokes to shorter quicker ones and he looked at her. Her face a beautiful mix of pain and pleasure. “C-cum with me?” she managed to ask.

“If that is what you desire, though I can go all night,” he said as he hooked his arms under her legs and forced them over his shoulders.

“M-Mard!” she called at his deeper position, he continued to piston into her, the headboard slamming into the wall, adding to the concert of sin in his room. It had been too long since his last time, the pleasure so fleeting, he knew that his mind had decided that this one night, this one encounter would not be enough. Not as she felt like everything he truly desired, perfection in her body, he would be lost within her.

He pinned her hands to the bed, lacing his fingers with hers as he continued to move, feeling her channel begin to tighten. Mard increased his pace, his orgasm right on the edge and as she asked, he would release when she did.

“Let me feel you, let me have your desire,” he commanded before stealing lips in one more kiss as she called out his name. Another orgasm rocked through her body and Mard let his release, filling her with all of his essence as euphoria robbed him off all his senses. For a moment he thought he could touch the stars and never return to his body, but only for a moment when the sensation passed, and he could feel his companion under him.

The kiss released and Mard removed himself from her before pulling her flush against, holding her as he enjoyed the rare bliss of happiness that danced along him.

* * *

 

Cobra passed Mard a cigarette and he took a drag as he pulled at his collar. The poison slayer stood up and applauded before running a hand through his hair. After a moment, Mard also joined him and Merlin sat back and smiled at both of them.

“Good ya?” she asked.

“Damn, Mard’s a sex machine,” Cobra high fived his best friend and random nemesis.

“Do you doubt it?” he asked with a feral grin on his face. Cobra smacked him upside the head as Merlin stood up from the typewriter and stretched.

For a moment Cobra thought about grabbing the typewriter but instead he paused for a moment. “Hey, Merlin how does it end?”

She shrugged an elegant shoulder, “dun know mate. Think you can handle it?”

Cobra and Mard looked at each other before they each hooked an arm around Merlin. “Nope, think we better let author babe figure out how to unfuck this story.” The trio of would be writers left the room, satisfied with all of their mischief and story craft.

Elsewhere, the author is sitting back laughing with her friends, knowing this shit was just to unreal. If anything, there’s only one way to end this.

_Remember, friends don’t let friends write tropey NaLu stuff. Real friends write crackships, with really unique stories._

_Later peeps! Love ya!_

* * *

 

_Please dont' take this seriously.... this came up after a discussion with some friends on Discord. We were going through a long list of tropes and common stories we see all the time in the Fairy Tail fanfiction. The idea was formed to have a little fun and a little smut, cause, why not? This is in no way to insult anyone or any particular work, this was just several hours of laughs._

_Anyways...away I go....more MardLu stuff to pen before people kill me for not updating on going stories for a month now._

 


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